Monday, September 12, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Back again...
It's been a long absence here, but I'm back for a bit at least. Life has been a crazy roller coaster lately. Or maybe it's more accurate to say my emotional state has been a crazy roller coaster. I'm trying to finish my PhD this fall semester, which means defense by Dec. 8. AAHHHH!!! STRESSS!!!!
To top it off, I seem to have completely lost interest in my analysis. I sort of think it's just my "flight" (as in fight or flight) response to the crazy stress of actually trying to write my disseration and finish everything in a near impossible amount of time. But I find myself coming up with every conceivable thing to do EXCEPT finish my analysis. Which is very very bad. Because in order to finish my degree I'll have to get the analysis approved by the collaboration, which is a long messy process. So I really should be doing that now. But I just can't make myself focus on it. I get bogged down in details, and whenever I try to step back and look at the big picture I get so overwhelmed that I just want to shut my eyes, put my fingers in my ears, and hum something soothing to myself to block it out.
On top of that we finally got some summer weather, but not nice mild summer weather. It went from months of temps in the 60s and raining to 90s. And there is no a/c here. So sitting at my computer (read: heater) is really the last thing I want to do.
In addition I haven't had a haircut in a very long time. Because of the ridiculous cost of getting a haircut here I was trying to go the let-it-grow route. But my hair grows crazy fast, and is super thick, heavy, and unruly. Plus I am not willing to spend 45 minutes taming it to something presentable each day. So it has started looking like I stuck my finger in the socket. That annoyance combined with the heat has made me want to chop it off again!
I was thinking something around chin length, like a bob with layers and sideswept bangs. I started searching around online for ideas and came across Dianna Agron's new haircut and I love it! I like how it can be straight and smooth, messy, or wavy and still looks good. Especially since I want to be able to just leave mine wavy sometimes and still look presentable. Here are some examples...thoughts?
To top it off, I seem to have completely lost interest in my analysis. I sort of think it's just my "flight" (as in fight or flight) response to the crazy stress of actually trying to write my disseration and finish everything in a near impossible amount of time. But I find myself coming up with every conceivable thing to do EXCEPT finish my analysis. Which is very very bad. Because in order to finish my degree I'll have to get the analysis approved by the collaboration, which is a long messy process. So I really should be doing that now. But I just can't make myself focus on it. I get bogged down in details, and whenever I try to step back and look at the big picture I get so overwhelmed that I just want to shut my eyes, put my fingers in my ears, and hum something soothing to myself to block it out.
On top of that we finally got some summer weather, but not nice mild summer weather. It went from months of temps in the 60s and raining to 90s. And there is no a/c here. So sitting at my computer (read: heater) is really the last thing I want to do.
In addition I haven't had a haircut in a very long time. Because of the ridiculous cost of getting a haircut here I was trying to go the let-it-grow route. But my hair grows crazy fast, and is super thick, heavy, and unruly. Plus I am not willing to spend 45 minutes taming it to something presentable each day. So it has started looking like I stuck my finger in the socket. That annoyance combined with the heat has made me want to chop it off again!
I was thinking something around chin length, like a bob with layers and sideswept bangs. I started searching around online for ideas and came across Dianna Agron's new haircut and I love it! I like how it can be straight and smooth, messy, or wavy and still looks good. Especially since I want to be able to just leave mine wavy sometimes and still look presentable. Here are some examples...thoughts?
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Changes
Yesterday I bought my first size 12 pants in 9 years.
I went shopping at an outlet mall near Lausanne. Outlet malls are not very common in Switzerland and clothes prices are usually ridiculous, so I don't go on a shopping spree very often. But I was desperate for some new summer clothes, as most of what I have I got 2 years ago. And two years ago I was wearing a size 16/18.
I've realized however that I have a distorted mental image of what I look like now. I think it's not so unusual actually; but when I hold up a piece of clothing I have no idea whether it will fit or not. I look at myself in the mirror and sometimes I see some changes, but most of the time I just look the same as always. I stand on the scale and don't quite believe the numbers. I can feel that my body is stronger and healthier, I hardly have any trouble with my asthma anymore, yet I still mentally feel like I'm 210 pounds. It's an interesting journey to say the least...
But when I really think about the things that I can do now, which I wouldn't have even attempted 2 years ago when I move here, I really feel the progress I've made. Tomorrow I'm going to spin class, Tuesday I'm playing squash, and Wednesday is soccer day. I can ride my bike 12 km to work and then back again. I've been hiking in the Alps and the Andes. I can jog for half an hour without stopping.
There are still things I have trouble doing. I still can't quite keep up with my friends on hikes and bike rides, but I'll get there. I've slowly but surely worked my way out of the "obese" category and am a mere 15 pounds away from my healthy weight range. I alternate between feeling proud of what I've accomplished and the self-pity and frustration of not being able to do everything my friends can.
Today, I am proud.
I went shopping at an outlet mall near Lausanne. Outlet malls are not very common in Switzerland and clothes prices are usually ridiculous, so I don't go on a shopping spree very often. But I was desperate for some new summer clothes, as most of what I have I got 2 years ago. And two years ago I was wearing a size 16/18.
I've realized however that I have a distorted mental image of what I look like now. I think it's not so unusual actually; but when I hold up a piece of clothing I have no idea whether it will fit or not. I look at myself in the mirror and sometimes I see some changes, but most of the time I just look the same as always. I stand on the scale and don't quite believe the numbers. I can feel that my body is stronger and healthier, I hardly have any trouble with my asthma anymore, yet I still mentally feel like I'm 210 pounds. It's an interesting journey to say the least...
But when I really think about the things that I can do now, which I wouldn't have even attempted 2 years ago when I move here, I really feel the progress I've made. Tomorrow I'm going to spin class, Tuesday I'm playing squash, and Wednesday is soccer day. I can ride my bike 12 km to work and then back again. I've been hiking in the Alps and the Andes. I can jog for half an hour without stopping.
There are still things I have trouble doing. I still can't quite keep up with my friends on hikes and bike rides, but I'll get there. I've slowly but surely worked my way out of the "obese" category and am a mere 15 pounds away from my healthy weight range. I alternate between feeling proud of what I've accomplished and the self-pity and frustration of not being able to do everything my friends can.
Today, I am proud.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Wish I knew grammar...
Who would have guessed that by being a physicist I would end up needing a firm grasp of grammar concepts? My poor grasp of English grammar is making it more and more difficult to keep up in my German class...help!
I should have paid more attention in my middle school English classes. I guess there was actually a point to diagraming sentences....
I should have paid more attention in my middle school English classes. I guess there was actually a point to diagraming sentences....
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Stuff
I passed my comps. YES! I'm awesome. That means this the blog post of an official PhD candidate.
My new strategy for combatting my incredibly dry and itchy scalp is to wash my hair as little as possible, and when I do have to wash it, I alternate between Head and Shoulders Intensive Treatment and Neutrogena T-Gel shampoo. The Neutrogena one actually works better. But the "active ingredient" in it is coal tar extract. Seriously? And it smells like it too. So I pretty much get to choose between my hair being dirty, smelling like tar, or crusted in blood from my mutilated scalp.
To move on to more pleasant topics, in two weeks some friends and I are going skiing for the weekend. Hooray! Then on Feb 27th I fly to Colombia for a glorious sunshine-filled 3 week vacation! But right now I get to go home from work!
My new strategy for combatting my incredibly dry and itchy scalp is to wash my hair as little as possible, and when I do have to wash it, I alternate between Head and Shoulders Intensive Treatment and Neutrogena T-Gel shampoo. The Neutrogena one actually works better. But the "active ingredient" in it is coal tar extract. Seriously? And it smells like it too. So I pretty much get to choose between my hair being dirty, smelling like tar, or crusted in blood from my mutilated scalp.
To move on to more pleasant topics, in two weeks some friends and I are going skiing for the weekend. Hooray! Then on Feb 27th I fly to Colombia for a glorious sunshine-filled 3 week vacation! But right now I get to go home from work!
Friday, July 16, 2010
Happy Days
Well it has certainly been a long time since I posted in here. Lots has been going on since then!
For the first 2.5 weeks of June I was at CERN doing a test beam. That means we brought our equipment over there and tested it in the beam line. There are of course always things that will go wrong when you move equipment from one place and set it all up in another, and I know this very well. However I was NOT prepared for what happened. Really I don't think there could have been a better example of Murphy's Law. Absolutely EVERYTHING went wrong. But eventually we got a bit of data, after lots of 15 hour work days (one day even 17 hours) and frustration.
Then it was back to PSI for a couple weeks. Most of my time in the summer is spent supervising a couple of the students who come from the US. This summer one of my students is a native Spanish speaker, and is not exactly fluent in English. It has been a challenge but I definitely think he is improving his English. It does mean that things move a little slowly though because it takes a lot of time to communicate. Luckily one of our post-docs speaks Spanish and can serve as translator when the English breaks down.
The next adventure was vacation!!! I met my sister for a wonderful 1.5 week vacation. We met up in Paris and spent 5 days there, then took the TGV to Geneva and spent one day there, touring CERN and seeing a bit of the city. Then we flew down to Rome for another 5 days. It was very hot. And we walked. A lot. An average of 10 miles per day (my phone has a pedometer). My sister's feet were literally covered in blisters. Curiously, mine were fine other than one small blister and my heels cracking from being dry, but that's just normal summer for me.
I came back to work on Monday and found out one of the students managed to flood our lab while I was gone; luckily nothing really seems to be permanently damaged. Best case scenario really, because they certainly learned a lesson and nothing is lost. But I think from now on I'll take my vacations when the students aren't here. Last year while I was on vacation (sitting by the pool in the French countryside just outside of Toulouse) one of the students almost set the lab on fire. Who knows what would happen next year...
So now I'm back at PSI for a couple weeks. I seem to never stay here too long though. :-) First week of August I will be down in the mountains for a summer school run by PSI. Should be pretty nice. Lectures in the mornings and early afternoon, and then free time in the mountains in the late afternoon and evenings. It will almost feel like vacation! The next trip will be for a conference my group has organized, also in the mountains here in Switzerland, but a different part. That's at the beginning of September. After that I will go for a long weekend with some friends to Porto, in Portugal. I love living here in Europe where you can get around for so cheaply! Then I have another meeting, this time in Ljubljana, Slovenia, at the end of September. Then mid-October I have a meeting in KS. I'm hoping on that trip to be able to swing by Cincinatti to see my sister and spend a week or so working at KU, in order to see my Lawrence friends.
After that things will calm down a bit in terms of travelling. I'll still be plenty busy though. I have to take my comprehensive exams sometime in January or February, so I'll probably schedule that right after Christmas and just go to KS before coming back to Swiss-land. I'm trying not to think about that too much right now because I'm pretty much terrified that I'm not going to pass those. I've been away from course-work for too long and am really going to have to buckle down to remember all that stuff. And I'm not really the "studying" type.
But it will all be worth it after that, because that's when the most awesome vacation will be. At the end of Feb/beginning of March I'll be going to Colombia (that's right, the country) with some of my friends (one of whom is from there) for 3 weeks! It will be fantastic I'm sure and a really good way to relax (and hopefully celebrate) after my exams. (I have a lot of phrases in parentheses in this paragraph.)
Wow this post is long.
Anyway, the last bit of fun stuff for this post is that despite eating gelato and/or pizza at least once per day on vacation, I lost 2-3 pounds! And that means that for the first time in years, I have made it to under 180!!!! I've felt for a while now that I've been stuck, hovering just above 180. I'd get close to it but then bounce right back up. So I feel like I've sort of broken through a wall now. It's an entirely mental thing, but it makes all the difference really.
For the first 2.5 weeks of June I was at CERN doing a test beam. That means we brought our equipment over there and tested it in the beam line. There are of course always things that will go wrong when you move equipment from one place and set it all up in another, and I know this very well. However I was NOT prepared for what happened. Really I don't think there could have been a better example of Murphy's Law. Absolutely EVERYTHING went wrong. But eventually we got a bit of data, after lots of 15 hour work days (one day even 17 hours) and frustration.
Then it was back to PSI for a couple weeks. Most of my time in the summer is spent supervising a couple of the students who come from the US. This summer one of my students is a native Spanish speaker, and is not exactly fluent in English. It has been a challenge but I definitely think he is improving his English. It does mean that things move a little slowly though because it takes a lot of time to communicate. Luckily one of our post-docs speaks Spanish and can serve as translator when the English breaks down.
The next adventure was vacation!!! I met my sister for a wonderful 1.5 week vacation. We met up in Paris and spent 5 days there, then took the TGV to Geneva and spent one day there, touring CERN and seeing a bit of the city. Then we flew down to Rome for another 5 days. It was very hot. And we walked. A lot. An average of 10 miles per day (my phone has a pedometer). My sister's feet were literally covered in blisters. Curiously, mine were fine other than one small blister and my heels cracking from being dry, but that's just normal summer for me.
I came back to work on Monday and found out one of the students managed to flood our lab while I was gone; luckily nothing really seems to be permanently damaged. Best case scenario really, because they certainly learned a lesson and nothing is lost. But I think from now on I'll take my vacations when the students aren't here. Last year while I was on vacation (sitting by the pool in the French countryside just outside of Toulouse) one of the students almost set the lab on fire. Who knows what would happen next year...
So now I'm back at PSI for a couple weeks. I seem to never stay here too long though. :-) First week of August I will be down in the mountains for a summer school run by PSI. Should be pretty nice. Lectures in the mornings and early afternoon, and then free time in the mountains in the late afternoon and evenings. It will almost feel like vacation! The next trip will be for a conference my group has organized, also in the mountains here in Switzerland, but a different part. That's at the beginning of September. After that I will go for a long weekend with some friends to Porto, in Portugal. I love living here in Europe where you can get around for so cheaply! Then I have another meeting, this time in Ljubljana, Slovenia, at the end of September. Then mid-October I have a meeting in KS. I'm hoping on that trip to be able to swing by Cincinatti to see my sister and spend a week or so working at KU, in order to see my Lawrence friends.
After that things will calm down a bit in terms of travelling. I'll still be plenty busy though. I have to take my comprehensive exams sometime in January or February, so I'll probably schedule that right after Christmas and just go to KS before coming back to Swiss-land. I'm trying not to think about that too much right now because I'm pretty much terrified that I'm not going to pass those. I've been away from course-work for too long and am really going to have to buckle down to remember all that stuff. And I'm not really the "studying" type.
But it will all be worth it after that, because that's when the most awesome vacation will be. At the end of Feb/beginning of March I'll be going to Colombia (that's right, the country) with some of my friends (one of whom is from there) for 3 weeks! It will be fantastic I'm sure and a really good way to relax (and hopefully celebrate) after my exams. (I have a lot of phrases in parentheses in this paragraph.)
Wow this post is long.
Anyway, the last bit of fun stuff for this post is that despite eating gelato and/or pizza at least once per day on vacation, I lost 2-3 pounds! And that means that for the first time in years, I have made it to under 180!!!! I've felt for a while now that I've been stuck, hovering just above 180. I'd get close to it but then bounce right back up. So I feel like I've sort of broken through a wall now. It's an entirely mental thing, but it makes all the difference really.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Staying Focused
Sometimes I find it difficult to stay focused on what is important, and to keep my mindset where it should be. The most common example for me is in my weight loss process. I have a tendency to focus on where I want to be, and how far I have to go to get there, instead of on how far I've come. I spent 3 years in college eating crap and sitting on my butt and put on 60 pounds. Yikes! And I knew better. I had worked hard in high school to drop some of my extra weight. I was a little on the heavy side ever since middle school. My parents are both overweight. So I know that I am going to have to work extra hard to get rid of this.
One of my goals since I really faced up to what I had let myself become was to get back to my weight when I finished high school. It's so funny now, because at that time I was JUST at the very top of the "healthy" weight range for my height. I still felt like I was too big for my size and refused to wear tank tops or a two piece swimsuit. Of course now I would give anything to be at 150 again :-) And that's part of my problem - I keep focusing on that 150.
What I should focus on is where I am now. When I started being serious about losing weight I was at my heaviest, at 210. I'm now down to 180 as of yesterday morning. 180! If I look at it from the 150 side I think gosh, I still have to lose 30 pounds. But then I realized I'm halfway there!! I already HAVE lost 30 pounds. Sure, it's taken me 3 years and a lot of ups and downs and hard work. But dang. 30 pounds. That's something to be proud of!
Now I'm trying to change my attitude. Instead of focusing on the 30 pounds to go I want to focus on getting in shape. I love the active lifestyle everyone has here and I just can't keep up. Like last weekend, a group of my friends invited me to go on a hiking weekend in the Alps in Italy. And I didn't go simply because I know I can't keep up. I hate that. I'm missing out on fantastic things.
So I'm trying to have a positive outlook. Dwell on where I've come from (being out of breath after walking up two flights of stairs) instead of how far away the finish is. Not easy for sure...
Oh, and by the way, I chopped off my hair, and I love it :-) Here is the result:
One of my goals since I really faced up to what I had let myself become was to get back to my weight when I finished high school. It's so funny now, because at that time I was JUST at the very top of the "healthy" weight range for my height. I still felt like I was too big for my size and refused to wear tank tops or a two piece swimsuit. Of course now I would give anything to be at 150 again :-) And that's part of my problem - I keep focusing on that 150.
What I should focus on is where I am now. When I started being serious about losing weight I was at my heaviest, at 210. I'm now down to 180 as of yesterday morning. 180! If I look at it from the 150 side I think gosh, I still have to lose 30 pounds. But then I realized I'm halfway there!! I already HAVE lost 30 pounds. Sure, it's taken me 3 years and a lot of ups and downs and hard work. But dang. 30 pounds. That's something to be proud of!
Now I'm trying to change my attitude. Instead of focusing on the 30 pounds to go I want to focus on getting in shape. I love the active lifestyle everyone has here and I just can't keep up. Like last weekend, a group of my friends invited me to go on a hiking weekend in the Alps in Italy. And I didn't go simply because I know I can't keep up. I hate that. I'm missing out on fantastic things.
So I'm trying to have a positive outlook. Dwell on where I've come from (being out of breath after walking up two flights of stairs) instead of how far away the finish is. Not easy for sure...
Oh, and by the way, I chopped off my hair, and I love it :-) Here is the result:
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