That's not supposed to happen...

So after my first week of being a member of the gym in Baden I've gained a pound?? Admittedly I didn't have a fantastic diet but not any worse than other weeks, and I've worked out for 3.5 hours this week (also not amazing but you've gotta start somewhere!) and I gained a pound. Boo. I'll just hope its fat becoming muscle and keep on keepin' on. Of course now its the holiday season which means wonderful delicious sweets everywhere! Who starts seriously trying to lose weight between Thanksgiving and Christmas? Crazy. But maybe it will make me feel guilty enough to not overindulge when I go home for Christmas.

No turning back

So I decided to motivate myself by joining the gym in Baden. Nothing like giving someone else your money to motivate you to take advantage of whatever you are paying for...so on Thursday I meet with a trainer to have my "orientation" of sorts and develop a fitness plan. At least I'll have some sort of direction and relative confidence that what I'm doing will have positive affects.

Progress!!

This week I have tried to be a bit more careful about what and how much I eat. It seems to be working too! I got on the scale this morning and I'm now at 186! Yes! That's 3 pounds in a week! Doubt that rate will keep up, but its a nice start. I'd love to get to under 180 before Christmas; I know its a long shot but I like a challenge. :-)

A very American weekend...

This weekend has been my "American" fix to get me through the end of the year. Yesterday I had Thanksgiving dinner at Grace's apartment. And I ate so much I could barely move. Of course. Everything was delicious. The only things missing were the Macy's parade and football! It was quite an enjoyable evening, and everyone loved the sweet potato dish that I brought.

Today Shruti (my roommate) and I decided to check out the Subway sandwich shop that just opened in Baden. I've been really missing good sandwiches! The Swiss just don't know how to do it. Hard bread and a slice of meat, pickle, and hard boiled egg do not make a sandwich. I had my favorite! Meatball marinara on parmesan oregano bread (soft bread!) with cheese, toasted. Then topped with lettuce, tomato, cucumbers, bell peppers, and mustard. Delicious!!!! I'm really so excited that we have a Subway now!

Yesterday I bought a GIANT turnip at the farmers market. I'm not kidding you, this turnip has a 6 inch diameter. It's huge! And it was a mid-sized one. I wasn't even sure what to do with it, but I've been so entertained by seeing them at the market that I just had to get one. So tonight I'm goign to attempt to make a turnip and potato soup. Hope it turns out good....

The weight loss campaign is not going so great though. Cold gray rainy days do NOT encourage me to eat light healthy things and get off the couch. However at least I'm not gaining. I'm at 189; so still 1 pound down from my starting weight of 190. Hahaha. At this rate (1 pound every three weeks or so?) it will take me a very very very long time to reach my goal. Sigh. Do better self!

Shifts are bad for my diet...

All this week I've been at CERN on shift. Being on shift means sitting in the control room of CMS for ~8 hours at a time, in front of 6 computer screens (with two keyboards and two mice) plus my laptop. No lunch break, so I eat whatever I bring with me or what I can find in the vending machine upstairs. On the plus side I have to walk up two flights of stairs to get to the vending machine, which is about as much movement as you have the opportunity for. I've been bringing turkey/ham sandwiches (wheat bread with lettuce and bell peppers, no condiments) with me, but I always end up having a cup or two of coffee (which is more like espresso in the US) and usually something from the vending machine. Unfortunately for me, caffeine doesn't keep me awake, so when I need a pick-me-up I need a snack.

It's especially bad when I get the night shifts, like now. Midnight to 7am. Ugh. At least my other shifts this week have been the morning ones, where there is more activity so less snacking for me.

I've tried to get in a little more exercise this week, since when I'm not on shift I've got free time. However the weather has not been terribly conducive to that: cold and raining (snow up in the Jura mountains). I of course have my "The Biggest Loser" workouts on iTunes, but I have to tone them down because I feel guilty jumping around when there is another hotel room below me. (I face the same problem in my apartment; what's the etiquette for that sort of thing?)

I'm not looking forward to seeing what this week has done to my poor 2 pounds of progress. :-( On the plus side, my last two night shifts have been canceled, so when I get off shift at 7am I will go crash in bed for a bit, then pack up and head home two days early! Hooray!

Slow start...

Well, I don't really have a whole lot of progress to report. But I haven't really been trying my hardest either. So far I've worked out a few times, got some "Fitness Fruits" whole grain cereal to eat for breakfasts (instead of whatever pastry looks best at the store on the way to the train), and cut back to getting cookies with coffee after lunch only 2 or 3 times during the week. And the result? 2 pounds. Woohoo! I can't say that I expected more, given my sweet tooth and the cold and decreasing hours of daylight. But it's a step in the right direction. Hopefully I will get moving a little faster...

One thing that tends to get me motivated is I love watching the show "The Biggest Loser". It goes against my usual dislike of "reality" shows, but probably because while there is some of the "game play" involved of course, more by some players than others, for most of the season that isn't the main goal. It's nice to see people making a change in their lives to better themselves. And it makes me feel guilty for sitting around doing nothing...

I'm hoping to make some significant progress before I head home at Christmas time. Partly so that when I get off the plane everyone will go "wow!" but also because I plan to do a lot of shopping for clothes while I am home. They are SO expensive here, so I have to take advantage of cheapness when I get the chance! And I definitely want to be buying SMALLER clothes.

Of course tonight I am off to a Halloween party.....probably not so good for this goal of mine!

New Focus

My blog has been without focus since I started it, which makes it very easy to neglect. But this morning I was thinking about that while at the same time thinking about things I want to do to better myself. And I thought that maybe I could use this blog to help myself accomplish them. And the first thing on my list of things to improve is my health. Which means getting serious about my eating habits, losing the rest of this weight I put on in college, and being more active. So my intent is to chronicle this journey on here, hoping it will inspire me to stick with it instead of give it up after a few days.

It's especially hard right now, with the weather turning colder and the days getting shorter. I know myself pretty well, and I realize that if I don't exercise first thing in the morning its not likely that I will exercise at all that day, unless I have some sort of sports activity planned with other people. But now that its still dark even at 7am, getting up 30-45 minutes earlier to get in some exercise is not so appealing. Plus, it is too cold in the mornings now to go outside for exercise, and there is an apartment under me; so my exercise options become limited if I don't want to disturb other people. And on top of that, who wants to eat light things like salads when it is 40 degrees outside? I want warm hearty meals!

So here goes. Today I failed on the eating well aspect, but as I had to walk back and forth across the river at PSI today a few times I got a little more activity than usual. My cell phone has a pedometer on it, so I keep it in my pocket to keep track of how much I walk each day. Today I walked 5 miles.

I will consider my weight today as my "starting weight." I am starting at 190 pounds (yikes!). My goal is to get to 150 pounds, but really I just want to get in shape and be healthy. I started college at 140, then got all the way up to 210. In the time I was at KU I started getting serious about losing weight and got down to 180. But moving to the land of cheese and chocolate was not so good for my weight and those 10 pounds have slowly crept back over the course of the last 9 months.

I am tired of being winded when I walk up the hill to my apartment. I'm tired of not being able to go hiking with others in the mountains. Swiss are very active people and I want to keep up!

Whirlwind

It's hard to concentrate on my work when there are so many conflicting thoughts swirling around in my head. I sure hope that I find a way to sort this all out soon. I am not and have never been any good at these "leap of faith" type things.

In the meantime, if anyone knows anything about determining the flavor of a Monte Carlo generated jet in CMSSW, I'd love some help..........

Inconsistency

I am not very good at keeping a blog. I've never been good at journaling or writing in a diary or anything along those lines. And it always seems that I turn to it only when things are not going so hunky-dorey. (Also, what is the correct spelling for hunky-dorey?) But I will try to be a little less negative in my blogging from now on.

I have now been living in Switzerland for 9 months. It seems crazy that it has already been that long! I am slowly making new friends, but it's not easy. I mean it's never been easy for me. But I am really trying to just go out and enjoy my time here. 3 years seems like a long time right now, but it will pass quickly. I would hate to get to the end of it and realize that there are so many things I haven't done.

One of those things that I want to do is learn some wintersports. I feel like it would just be wrong if I live here and don't at least attempt to learn to ski and/or snowboard. So to that end this past weekend I went and bought some snow clothes. ~$350 on a pair of pants and jacket, but I think it will be well worth it when I spend the majority of the time on the ground in the snow. I will be very happy to have warm, waterproof clothing! I would guess that in the next month of so the snow will start coming in the mountains. I am really looking forward to it!

But until then I will enjoy the cooler weather and continue my attempts not to gorge myself on chocolate...

Homesick

I'm homesick. I miss having friends. I am sad, and unhappy in general. And then I end up taking it out on those who don't deserve it. I hate that I do that. Which just sends me further into this downward spiral.

I want to go home. But I'm not sure where "home" is anymore.

Less Privacy

I am thrilled that my new roommate and I get along so well. However I am realizing that it is going to take some time to adjust to being with another person 24 hours a day, 7 days a week....

Friday the 13th

I had high hopes for today. Contrary to the superstitions of the rest of the US, usually Friday the 13th is an exceptionally good day for me. Probably this is just due to the fact that my belief that it will be a good day influences my attitude toward the day's events.

And I guess nothing specifically or unusually bad happened so far today. But a conversation with a very close friend that ends with both parties upset always affects the feeling of the whole day for me. And throw in the fact that it is an all-too-common event recently, and I just feel like I've got nothing left. I'm tired of biting my tongue about unimportant things only to have it blow up in my face.

And I feel guilty for feeling this way, because I know this friend is having a particularly frustrating time at work, feeling undervalued and unappreciated. I should be supportive and encouraging. Yet every time I try I always manage to say the wrong thing.

Ugh. I need chocolate. Good thing I live in Switzerland.

My first few weeks in Switzerland

I arrived in Zurich on the morning of Jan. 8 with no troubles, although the flights to get here were very bumpy. I even managed to sleep on the plane for most of the trip across the Atlantic, when I wasn't being shaken by the turbulence, thanks to the earplugs and mask I brought with me. I was picked up from the airport and came back to the apartment, where I spent the day unpacking and trying to get settled in. The next day I went in to the lab, where I discovered that since the HR people had not bothered to tell me that I needed a criminal history report I will not be getting my actual contract until March. But we have found various ways to get me paychecks until then, although they won't be quite as much as when I get my contract, so until then I am living frugally. Like not buying a Swiss watch, since mine is about to die. That can wait.

I arrived on a Thursday; the next Tuesday I had to make a trip to CERN over in Geneva for two days of meetings with the whole network of people involved with the grant that is supporting me for the next three years. I spent the train ride over (about 3 hours) with Tilman, the person I am directly working under here at the lab, going over the basic plan for the next three years that I was going to have to present at the meeting on Wednesday. Tilman was only able to be there for the Tuesday meetings because his daughter was pretty sick with the flu. Unfortunately it was extremely foggy, becuase there is a part of the train ride that is supposed to be just absolutely beautiful. The whole country is pretty to me; but this area Tilman said the locals call it the place where all the German Swiss tear up their return train tickets and decide to stay (it's right at the part where the German-speaking and French-speaking parts of Switzerland meet). We arrived just in time to miss lunch and the group picture :-(, but I was able to grab a couple finger sandwiches that were left over on our way in to the meetings. I met all of the people from various universities and labs and everyone was very friendly. It's a European fellowship and network, so I am the only American. But of course everyone speaks English.

There are three other students like me who have been recruited, plus there are still a few positions left to be filled. I think in all maybe they are hoping there will be 7 of us. I met them, and we all got along very well. There is a girl named Mary who is from Greece, and two guys from Italy, Marco and Nicolo. After the meetings I checked into my room at the hostel (what they call the hotel/dorm type housing at CERN), unpacked, and then headed down to meet the group for dinner. We went to this place called Auberge Communale de Satigny and had an amazing three course meal of smoked salmon on a bed of spinach, duck a l'orange, and tiramisu, along with three wines (a rose before, a white with the salmon, and a red with the duck) and your choice of coffee, espresso, or tea after dessert. Mmmmm! I know, my life is just so rough these days....

The next day was filled with more meetings, coffee with the other students after the meetings, and a long trip back to Ennetbaden involving wrong signs at the train station in Bern that turned a 3 hour journey into nearly 5! But all in all was a good trip. I learned a lot of good things at the meeting about this network. One of the main aims of it is to train young researchers (such as me), not just in technical things but in whatever is necessary to make a good researcher. To this end there are several different sources of funding for me for various things such as language courses and travel to different training events. I will be starting a German course in March once I sign my contract, which they offer at Migros, the local equivalent to Walmart. Can you imagine Walmart having a school that teaches everything from languages to dance? Also the network will organize training events at the different institutions, labs, and companies that are associated with it, with our first one being sometime around August/September in Krakow, Poland. How cool?? I'm pretty excited about the whole thing, it's even better than I realized!

Work back at PSI has been good, I've slowly been getting back into the swing of things there. Show up around 9, work until 12 or 12:30 when the whole group goes to lunch together. After lunch we go to the little cafe for coffee and/or dessert. We get back to our offices around 1:30 or 2, depending on how much talking we do at coffee, and work until sometime between 5 and 6 when we head home. It's a nice schedule. Conversations at lunch are half in English and half in German, but I'm not the only person who doesn't speak German, so I'm not left out. I'll be glad when I learn some though!

I haven't done too much venturing out around yet, at first because it was pretty cold. It's not so fun to walk around the streets of the cities when its icy and freezing! I've gone a little around town though, and I've found the English-speaking Catholic mission church in Zurich, which seems nice. The weather has been better this week, so I could have ventured out more. Unfortunately I of course managed to injure myself. I was putting away my things after cooking dinner and before sitting down to eat it Tuesday evening, when I opened the cabinet and my large, full, very heavy glass jar of (off-brand) nutella came flying out and crashing down onto the little toe on my left foot. Thankfully the jar didn't break, it only cracked the plastic lid, becuase having to clean up a mess of broken glass would not have been fun. My toe of course immediately swelled to twice its size and turned various shades of red and purple, and the pain was so bad I felt sick for 10 minutes. So this week I've been careful to stay off of it as much as possible, ice it and take ibuprofen, and it is significatnly better today. In fact today I am pretty much walking without a limp for the first time. I decided to stay home today though and rest it instead of wandering around somewhere in hopes that it will finish healing quickly. I want to be able to go up to the mountains one weekend soon. It stays cloudy down here in the valleys in the winter, so everyone in the country goes up to the mountains for sun and skiing.

I haven't taken many pictures yet since I haven't gone many places, but here is a link to the ones I have so far. There are pictures of my apartment and the town where I live, a couple in Zurich, and a few from CERN. Hope you enjoy them!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2083972&l=517de&id=49703684